Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
