just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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