can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize