ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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