True but thats because hes a fetus.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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