Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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