I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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