my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
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Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
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In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Two words: blizzard sex
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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