I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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