So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
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It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
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Testing the emergency boobs hotline
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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