I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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