this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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