mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
