ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
