the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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