I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
