I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
