We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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