the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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