I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I would fuck him just for his dog
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