my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
