So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
