billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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