When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
