dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
