The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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