Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
