atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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