It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
