Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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