I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
