I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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