He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
