I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
