I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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