Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
