Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I would ride that face into the sunset
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize