I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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