i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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