i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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