I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
