hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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