Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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