It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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