I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
