Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
