dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
