I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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