fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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