she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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