I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
