I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
