you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
