My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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