i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
