We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
