It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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