Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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