who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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