Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
