took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
