i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
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There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
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...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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