Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
