I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
