i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
His hands were made for my vagina.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
