i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
