I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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