Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
