my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
