If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
