dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
