i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Can you bring me the toilet please
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
