so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Two words: blizzard sex
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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