How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My balls are so social today.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The Olympian is in my bed
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
