..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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