somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
